Things I Want My Daughter to Know

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Snow Rocks January 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 3:32 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know snow rocks.

Okay, so this letter isn’t as serious as some of those I’ve written you, but they can’t all be heart to heart serious discussions, now can they? They world isn’t all serious all the time — sometimes it’s good to get out and just have some fun.

In the snow.

It’s amazing, even now at almost thirty, with no school aged children and no reason to be excited about it since I’m between jobs, I am wonderfully giddy about the idea of (and the reality of this particular night) snow days. Something about snow just makes me happy.

It’s so white and clean and makes the world look so beautiful and peaceful and perfect, even if just for a little while. There is nothing better than sitting in a window and watching snow fall on already white landscape. It’s just plain fun.

As are snow angels and snowmen and all the other wonderful things you can do int he snow that don’t quite work with any other substance known to man. It’s just not the same.

Snow will, most likely, be an anomaly in your life, as we don’t get it much here in Georgia. There is a possibility that, at some point, we might live somewhere that gets much more snow, to the point that Mommy won’t get as excited about it, and it might not mean the automatic cancellation of school, and it might even get to just be a part of life.

But I hope you always love it and can always go to sleep on that wish and prayer of the all wonderful “Snow Day”.




It’s Okay to Disagree January 9, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 3:32 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know it’s okay to disagree with people, even the people who run your country.

That means, also, that it’s okay for people to not have the same opinion as you. It does not make them evil. You can try to discuss whatever issue it is you disagree on, you can try to sway their opinion, but you cannot force them to agree with you and that’s okay.

It is NOT okay to use physical violence or force when you have disagreements. Physically hurting someone else (except in self defense, which is another matter all together) is never okay. Hurting someone else because they have an opinion different from yours is not okay and, to be honest, down right stupid.

There are people in this world who think their way is the only way. They refuse to listen to opposing opinions or sides and refuse to compromise. But our country is based on freedom of speech and that means listening to “a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours”.

That’s hard. Accepting that which you disagree with so vehemently is very hard. But it’s important and necessary for the world to work and function as it should. Disagreements are necessary and valid.

Learn to argue your points and beliefs, and don’t let someone bully you into letting them go for no good reason.




You Are Much Stronger Than You Think You Are January 7, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 3:58 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know you are so much stronger than you think you are.

Now I’m not talking physical strength, the kind of strength that lets you lift and pull and throw and such. You might be stronger than people give you credit for, but I mean emotionally and in what you can handle.

I don’t know if it’s a female thing, or just a Lanier / Comer / Peek female thing, but the women in our family (you included) are very strong and can weather a lot. We have to be. We’ve all gone through a lot in our lives.

Trust me — there are going to be times you think you can’t do it any more. There are going to be times you want to give up. There are going to be times when you don’t think you can handle it, you don’t think you’re going to make it and you’re going to want it all to end. You aren’t going to think you can go on another day.

You’ll be wrong. When you get there, sit down and tell yourself “Okay, I can make it through another TV show”. Or another chapter. Or another page. Or, sometimes, just another breath. And then again. And again. And those small segments will turn into minutes, and hours, and before you know it, you’ve made it through the day. And you can do it all over again until things are looking better.

Because things WILL get better. I cannot promise everything will be okay. I cannot promise things will be perfect. I cannot promise life won’t suck sometimes. But I can promise that, when it does, it will get better, sometime. You just have to believe it and keep going. You will make it through. You CAN do it.

You can always make it one more breath.




You Will Never, and Should Never, Stop Learning January 6, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 4:46 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know that you will not, and should not, ever stop learning from those people around you. They are the best teachers you will ever have.

This is going to sound odd to you, and some of this I’ve told you already, but the best lessons you will learn are not in a classroom. It is the lessons those people around you teach you.

You will learn that some family we don’t get to choose. We have them and love them no matter what and you do the best with what you have. You will learn that some family we get to hand pick — the best of the best, the cream of the crop.

Those are your teachers.

You will learn that some friends we have forever, but some we lose along the way and sometimes, we don’t know which one they’ll be.

Those are your teachers.

So make the best of every moment you have with every one you have it with: smile when you want to, laugh when you can, cry when you need to because there is no shame in breaking. These friends are just as important as family: They keep you sane when things are falling apart and laughing when all you want to do is cry.

Those are your teachers.

Over time you will learn about the things that really matter, the things worth fighting for and the things worth getting upset over. You will learn that holding a grudge is only going to hurt you and that you should never leave angry with someone because you don’t know when you’ll see them again. You will learn to tell people you love them whether you want to or not, because you do love them and you always will, even if they have upset you for a moment.

You will learn to leave people with hugs because who knows when you might seem them again.

These lessons will not be taught in a classroom.

Some friendships, while fleeting, can teach you more than you ever thought one person could. You will learn to love someone before you meet them and you will learn to love someone you haven’t seen in years. You will learn that every relationship is different and that no relationship is easy. You will learn, sometimes the hard way, that loving someone can be the easiest (or hardest) thing in the world and sometimes the best thing is to love someone from agar, even if it goes against everything your mind, soul and heart tell you to do.

You will not learn these lessons in any classroom.

You will learn that your family will always love you, even when you hit rock bottom and there’s no one there to help you up. You will learn that help doesn’t mean someone else doing it for you and love doesn’t mean fixing your mistakes. You will learn that loving someone means supporting them in their decisions, not making their decisions for them. You will learn just how low you can get and you will learn just how much people mean to you when you think there is nothing and no one left. Love can be an incredible medicine and somethings there is nothing better than a hug.

No classroom will teach you these things. There is no “Social Relationships 101”.

Sometimes people change and you may grow apart. These people are teachers too. You will learn that just because you’ve grown apart doesn’t mean you can’t remember them and miss them, even if you never see them again.

At some point, you will learn that happiness really can be as simple as a hug or an “I love you, Mommy” and that, sometimes, that’s all you need.

Children can make it all worth it, through the heartache and everything, just with a smile.

No classroom will teach you this.

You will learn that it’s okay to miss people who are gone and it’s okay to be upset they are no longer here, as long as you know that it’s not going to change anything. It’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to be angry, but nothing can change the part and no amount of tears or tantrums is going to return someone long gone to you.

That is one of the hardest lessons you will learn.

There will come a time when you will have to weigh everything you know against everything you feel. and there will come a time when what you feel and what you know in your heart is right will go against everything logic dictates and everything you have ever been told. Going with your heart is not always foolish and going with your head is not always smart. You have to do what’s best for you in any situation, what’s best for you in your life. you should not put other peoples’ problems on your own shoulders and you should never make other peoples’ happiness your responsibility. It is not anyone elses responsibility to make you happy. Happiness is found inside, not out, and no one can do it for you.

You will not learn this in any classroom.

Never underestimate the power of girls. We are stronger than people think we are; we are stronger than even we think we are. We are stronger in our numbers and we will always support each other. Every female knows how these things work. We have to hold each other together; we have to be each others’ supports. Without one another, we are nothing. Without one another, we fall. We have to keep each other whole and we have to keep each other going.

When you think you just can’t do it anymore, go to your girls. They will know how to fix things.

They will be your teachers.

Don’t forget to laugh. Don’t forget to have fun. there will come a time when you think things are bad and there’s nothing good left, but you’ll be wrong. There is always something in the world to laugh at. Let the little things make you laugh and you will always have something to smile about.

You will not learn this in any classroom.

There will come a time when you will feel alone. And that is when you will learn who your real friends are and who your real family is. Your family will love you and will get you through. Your family will take care of you and pull you out of your hole any way they can. but you hve to help. You have to realize that you have hit rock bottom because of your decisions and you have to accept that you are the only one who can get out of it completely. You will learn and accept defeat and learn that failure is only failure when you don’t get back up.

Always get back up.

You won’t learn this in any classroom.

And you won’t learn this by my telling you. It is going to take your living it, experiencing it, going through it for it to sink in. But know that, if you just look, there are teachers and lessons everywhere. Learn everything you can from everyone you meet and learn to love with everything you have.




There Is Nothing Wrong With Dreams January 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 4:01 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know there is nothing wrong with dreams. In fact, they are important and should be held to very dearly.

Now, I’m not talking about the wonderful and amazing things your little mind comes up with at night when you’re asleep, though I’m sure, if your mind is anything like your Mommy’s, that those are pretty wonderful. I mean dreams about what you want to do, who you want to be, where you want to go.

Dreams and goals are important to have. Your dream can be anything you want: you can want to be an author or an actress or a lawyer or a doctor or a teacher or a Mommy or a politician or a vet or anything. You can want to travel the world; you can want to stay right here in Georgia, get married and have kids. You can want to play ball in college or perform onstage or be a singer. Anything you want.

There is nothing wrong with having big dreams. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your dream is stupid or impossible.

However, I do want you to know that, sometimes, your dreams don’t come true like you want them to. Sometimes life will throw you a curveball that might change your plans. And that’s okay. The dreaming part is fun and important and will get you through a lot in your years.

Heck, your Mommy still likes to play “how would I spend…” when the lottery jackpots get really high. I don’t actually expect to win. But dreaming about it? It’s fun.




Love and Accept Yourself as You Are January 4, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 2:18 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know how important it is for you to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are.

You are who you are and you really can’t be anyone else. Yes, I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. You can try to be someone or something you aren’t, you can put on an act or a show, and it might work for awhile, but at some point, you’re going to lose grasp on that character and you will slip through. It’s easier to learn to love her than try to hide her and pretend to be something you aren’t.

If someone can’t like and love you for who you are, they aren’t worth your time. If you have to change who you are for someone, they don’t need to be in your life. I know it won’t feel like it, but it really is that simple.

It isn’t important to be the most popular person. If you want to be a cheerleader and go to parties and be surrounded by people — if that makes you happy — then great, go for it. But if you want to lose yourself in books and have a few close friends and just generally turn your back on “traditional” high school activities? There’s nothing wrong with that.

What is important is to be true to yourself and to love yourself. Confidence is amazing.

On that note, that curly hair you got from me will be the envy of everyone else, but it will probably make you furious sometimes, but always remember, it’s yours for good. Those freckles you will most likely inherit from me will make you “oh so cute” your entire life and you’ll want to scrub them off, but remember, they are part of you. You can straighten and dye your hair and paint your nails, cover your face with make-up but it’s not going to change who you are inside.

Learn to love her, learn to be proud of her, let HER out and you’ll be just fine.

Then you can worry about the hair and the make up and the clothes. those are accessories, those are accentuations. They are not who you are — nor should they be.

Love yourself for you and you’ll be much happier.

(Though I do have two suggestions — grow your hair long and use lots and lots of sunscreen. It helps. Trust me.)




I Will Love You Always January 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 7:56 pm

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know I will always, always, no matter what, love you.

Now, this is probably the most important letter I will ever write to you, so I want you to pay close attention and really understand it.

Right now, you are a toddler. You are in the middle of your terrible twos, even though you haven’t reached the age yet. (You started early. That will likely be a trend in your life.) You don’t like to sleep. One of your favorite words is “No”. Your favorite sound some days is your own voice. Whining.

Mommy doesn’t do whining well. At all. Sometimes I get very frustrated and have to take deep breaths. Sometimes I have to take a break. Sometimes I do lose it and fuss at or yell at you and, for that, I am extremely sorry.

But none of this means I don’t love you. I do. Very much. Even when you manage to grate on my nerves.

I know you don’t do it on purpose. You’re a toddler and it comes with the age. But there will come a day in the future when you will push Mommy’s buttons on purpose, just because you can and just to see what happens. I may yell at you or fuss at you and you might be in trouble.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

There will come a time when you will be making your own decisions. I may not always agree with them. Sometimes, your decisions will have consequences and sometimes you will get in trouble and be punished.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

There will come a time when you will want to do something, or many somethings, and I will say no. This doesn’t mean I don’t love you. There will come a time when you will do whatever it is you want to do anyway and you will get in trouble. This doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

There will come a time you probably won’t like me very much. I’m prepared to hear you say you hate me time and time again.

But I will still love you.

You will make mistakes in your life. That is okay; everyone makes mistakes. You might come clean right away and ask me to help you fix it. You might hide it from me and just make it worse. But at some point, I will find out and you will have to deal with whatever consequences those mistakes may bring.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

You will make many decisions in your life and, sometimes, I might not agree with them. That does not necessarily mean they are wrong. And even if you make a decision I might not have made, I will love you and support you anyway because you are my Baby Girl and I am your Mommy. Supporting your decisions is kind of in my job description.

You may make bad choices. You may make decisions you look back on years later, or even moments later, and regret. It is possible, though I hope it never happens, that you might decide you don’t like yourself that much and you need to make some changes.

Through all of it, I will love you.

I want you to read this next sentence very carefully, and read it as many times as necessary until you believe it and the meaning really sinks in:

There is absolutely nothing in this world you can do or say that will ever, ever make me stop loving you, no matter what.

You are my baby. I want you to be happy and make good decisions and have a wonderful life. But the world doesn’t always work that way and there might be some rough times. Just remember that I do and always will love you.

And when you need to be upset and need to be mad? Come to me. Yell at me. Scream at me. I will know that you are just mad and, when you are done, I will hug you and love you anyway.

I’m your Mommy. It’s my job.