Things I Want My Daughter to Know

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No One Else Is Responsible For Your Happiness (Nor Are You Responsible For Theirs) February 12, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — rlginny @ 4:30 am

Dear Baby Girl,

I want you to know that no one else is, or should be, responsible for your happiness, nor are you, or should you be, responsible for theirs.

It may sound odd, but you need to be happy and stable on your own before you allow yourself to make someone else’s happiness, stability, or mental state your problem. No one else can make such things your responsibility (though some people will try), you can only take such responsibility on your self. But you don’t have to. Remember that.

Live your life for yourself. Do what you want to do. Do not do the (non-important) things you don’t want to do. Do not feel obligated to say “yes” to invitations. Do not feel guilty about taking an earned day off or saying no to covering for someone else.

Do not force yourself to stay in relationships that you are not happy in.

Do not let people walk over you or use you. Do not take other people’s problems as your own and certainly do not make other people’s happiness your responsibility.

The only person you are responsible for is yourself.

Take responsibility for your happiness and your well being, and do not put others ahead of yourself all the time. You should be your number one priority. You should be the most important factor in your world.

You should make yourself happy because no one else is going to do it, nor should they.

Other people are not better off or more fortunate than you. You should accept yourself ad you are and be happy with yourself. You are an interesting, intelligent person. You deserve love and respect, deserve to feel valued and needed. You shouldn’t need others to tell you when you’ve done a good job.

Being yourself is not only okay, it’s incredibly important.

Accept criticism without feeling put down. It does not mean you are a bad person.

Admit to your mistakes. It does not mean you are weak. Everyone makes mistakes and if they tell you they don’t, they are lying through their teeth.

Do not hide your true feelings (or, only in situations where you know you should. Sometimes it is beneficial but, in general, don’t).

You are allowed to speak up for yourself and put your views across. You don’t need to worry what other people think about your views. You don’t need the approval of other people to feel good.

You should not feel guilty about saying what you want.

‘Love does not mean leaning and company isn’t security. Kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.’ It is not someone else’s job or responsibility to take care of you or make you happy. Being a good friend does not mean being a doormat.

It is okay to be sad, hurt, or upset. It is not okay to allow other people to make you feel that way. It is your life and your responsibility.

Of course, I will always do anything and everything I can to take care of you and make you happy but I can’t do it for you.

Also, realize that, once you do have a child of your own, your mind will change about a lot of the above. Your child’s happiness is one of those things you will happily take on yourself and make your responsibility as much as you can.

Trust me on that one. Cause it’s not explainable.

I love you.

Love,

Mommy

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